“In her monogrammed Caboodle, she had a sticker collection that would make grown women weep.”
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For my birthday this year I (1) ate delicious Burmese noodles, (2) contemplated the meaning of my own existence, and (3) received a book called How Did You Get This Number by Sloane Crosley, an essayist who specializes in chronicling things like childhood embarrassments, bizarre bridal experiences, and New York city cab odors. My mom gave me the book, thinking I might get a kick out of it. Well let me tell you very good-looking people something: I got a freaking KARATE ROUTINE out of that bitch.

Because I apparently have difficulty making my way through insanely long Russian epics about disillusioned aristocrats who sometimes ride on horses and fight Napoleon, I decided to slide War and Peace onto the backburner for a week and get cozy with some non-Tolstoy fare courtesy of Ms. Crosley. After tearing through How Did You Get This Number in less time than it takes to pee in a cup and find out that you DON’T have chlamydia, I was so enamored with the author and her breezy genius that I stole one of my roommate’s strangely not too big for me sweatshirts (I say strangely because he is a six-foot-four man and I am a five-foot-seven woman) and headed to my local bookstore – where I had FINALLY racked up enough purchases on one of those frequent buyer cards to warrant a free book (DREAMS REALLY DO COME TRUE) – and snagged her first release, I Was Told There’d Be Cake.

THAT SENTENCE WAS LIKE SANTA’S FAMILY.
A LOT OF CLAUSES.

As you know, there’s nothing I like better than a funny girl, and Sloane Crosley is that and more. She manages to mix self-deprecation, humor, and insight into essays that range from the absurd (“You are a shit detective. A regular Carmen Turdiego.”) to the surprisingly profound (“What could be less et cetera than death?”). Like those who have come before – think David Sedaris, Jonathan Ames – Crosley manages to incite legitimate LOLZ as well as :*( in the reader. I’ve been recommending the books to everyone I meet, including newborn babies, the heavily inebriated, and hermione granger.

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LINKZ
Sloane Crosley’s Official Site
How Did You Get This Number on Amazon
I Was Told There’d Be Cake on Amazon